Chapter 8

Intentions and Action

The long view, small steps and positive emotions  

In this chapter we are going to focus on goals. We spend a lot of time talking about goals, but most people think of them only in a practical sense. Here we are going to focus on their emotion-al impact as well.

Setting Intentions and creating a plan

It is important to have a long term vision because it can act as a motivator and give us a sense of purpose. However, in order to get there, we need milestones along the way.

The long view

Start with a vision of what you want to accomplish in the long term.
Don’t let your inner critic stop you from dreaming big. There are always opportunities to readjust the vision later
When you feel it’s far away, use your vision to give you strength

The challenge with long term goals is that they can feel overwhelming and keep us focused on the future rather than present Also, If we become too attached we may not adapt to changing cir-cumstances. That is where attainable goals come in

The small steps

Focusing on accomplishing and taking notice of small, manageable goals can be helpful in sev-eral ways. They keep you from feeling stuck, decrease your sense of overwhelm and provides immediate reward. Just crossing a task off of a to-do list always feels good.My friend’s mom makes a point to add tasks she completed that weren’t on her list, just to have the satisfaction of seeing them crossed out. My friend’s mom makes a point to add tasks she completed that weren’t on her list, just to have the satisfaction of seeing them crossed out.

It is important to celebrate small successes. Remember, Just accomplishing one task can start to change a situation in a big way.

I recently did an open water swim for a cause that is very personal to me. As I set out to cross the bay there was a lot of cheering and excitement, but as the initial rush died down, I started to take in the vast stretch of water ahead and the orange banner way off in the distance marking the finish line. The task at hand suddenly felt daunting. I noticed that spending too much time looking at the finish line kept me from being present and I was still far enough away that visually it didn’t seem to be getting any closer.

While it was important to occasionally look ahead, in order to keep from veering off course and to remind myself where I was going, I realized when I stayed present in the breath and noted the small accomplishments such as a set of good strokes in a row, the journey became easier and less effortful. I had time to notice the sensation of the water and the beauty of being out in the middle of the bay on a perfect sunny day.

I paid less and less attention the end point and took time to celebrate passing each orange marker, knowing I had passed another milestone on the journey. Also, I found it encouraging to pause and look back from time to time, to get a sense of how far I’d come, though I didn’t spend too much time focusing on where I started, as I didn’t want it to distract me or use up energy best spent on moving forward.

I realized the secret to the swim, much like goals, was to stay primarily focused in the present, noting and celebrating small steps and accomplishments, letting the desired destination be an occasional guidepost and motivator.  

Now Try It

First: Create your vision

Find a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths Now think of what you would like your life to look like at a given point in the future. 6 months, one year, 5 years. Visualize the situation you desire in your mind as clearly and with as much detail as you can. Notice your feelings as you hold that vision.

Sometimes when you don’t have a specific future goal, I find it can be helpful to set an intention to help you be more mindful of what you are working towards. A good way to do this is to think of your life as book and start by thinking about the most recent period of your life and asking yourself, “What would I name that chapter?” After you have come up with one, think about what you would like to call the next chapter of your life. Just close your eyes and see what comes to mind.

Here is an example from one of my clients who had experienced a difficult break up and job loss. He named the period he had just been through, “ One step forward and two steps back” and de-cided he would like the next chapter to be titled “A gentler life”

This exercise not only assists with goal setting by clarifying intentions moving forward, but also helps in the process of contexualizing and letting go of the past

Then: Create a plan

Break down your long term vision into all the steps that will get you there.
As you make progress, reassess from time to time, to see if that vision has changed.

Keep in mind that attainable goals have four characteristics:

Realistic: one that can reasonably be completed in the time you have to complete it.
Clear: So that you can lay out exactly what steps must be taken to successfully complete the goal
Not too easy, but not too hard: the goal should be challenging, but not impossible or too global
Have a definite end point: You should know when the goal has been successfully completed.

Tip: it’s easy to get stalled on one goal and then start to feel defeated. When noticing that you are finding it hard to get started on one goal, look at your list and find the one that energizes you most when you think about it and move on to that one. Completing one goal often will give you enough of a boost to go back and start on the one you were putting off.

Strengths and Values: Fuel for your goals

Our strengths can help us accomplish our goals and our values can help us persist in reaching toward our goals, as long as our goals reflect our values

For example, you set a goal to go to a bootcamp with a friend three days a week. Your personal strengths include, reliability and likebility. Being reliable helps you get yourself out of bed on mornings when it would be easy to turn the alarm off and go back to sleep and being likable helps you connect with other people at boot camp who in turn encourage you to keep going back.

Having a better understanding of what we value can help us select attainable goals that are con-sistent with those values. When attainable goals are ways of living our values in action, they have a broader sense of meaning and purpose.

For example, you might value compassion and that will help you follow through with volunteer-ing at the local food bank this week, or valuing health and well being can support your efforts to go to the gym consistently.

Make it a Habit

Track your accomplishments - Think of Three goals - Each day try to work on at least one of them and record your progress in a journal or goal tracking app.

It is important to remember that not meeting a goal, can be an opportunity to get information. Instead of getting discouraged, seeing it as a failure and or beating yourself up about it, take a moment and think about the goal you set. Ask yourself …  

What were some of the barriers?
Did I make any progress towards the goal that I am not recognizing?
Was goal unrealistic? Do I need to start with a smaller goal?
Is something getting in the way of the goal?
Is there something that I need to do first?
Or maybe you don’t actually care about that goal