Chapter 6
Harnessing your Strengths
Beyond your coping skills, you have a set of traits totally unique to you that help you overcome challenges and allow you to thrive in the world. In times of stress it’s easy to lose sight of these strengths, but it’s important to remember that no matter what, even if you haven’t called upon them in a long time, they are an inherent part of who you are. Sometimes the simple act of reminding yourself of your strengths can pull you out of despair and reenergize you to begin moving forward again.
I was meeting with a client for the first time a few years back. She had faced an enormous amount of adversity in her life, horrific violence, trauma, and she had lost most of the people close to her. She was feeling quite hopeless about the future and in particular a recent cancer diagnosis. I noted at some point in the conversation that I was struck with her resilience and how grounded she seemed in her spirituality. She paused for moment, appearing a bit surprised. She noted that no one had ever given her that feedback before. The whole tone of the conversation changed, she spoke with noticeably increased confidence in her voice. Even as she spoke of this incredibly challenging situation, she seemed to have a little flicker of hope that she would somehow get through it. Towards the end of our session, she asked, “What was that word you used to talk about me earlier?” I responded, “resilience?” and she smiled, sat up fully in her chair and said, “yes resilience, I really like that word! It feels good to think of myself that way.” We thought of ways for her to remind herself of her resilience and other strengths at least once a day. We met for a total of 5 times and each time she came in with a little more energy, a little more hopeful and started taking action not just around her new medical situation, but around other areas of her life. This is a great illustration of something I have observed over and over: connecting someone with the strengths they already have can be one of the most powerful tools you can give them.
Identify Your Strengths
Take a moment and think about what strengths, skills, talents and internal or external resources you have What are things about you or things you do that you are proud of, as well as people or things that bring meaning to your life or give you reason to want to be the best you can be?
| Dignified | Realistic | Moderate | Cheerful |
| Inventive | Trusting | Responsible | Clear-thinking |
| Prudent | Independent | Honest | Competitive |
| Tenacious | Pleasant | Painstaking | Competent |
| Intelligent | Steady | Spunky | Clever |
| Progressive | Versatile | Sociable | Introspective |
| Alert | Forceful | Analytical | Zany |
| Daring | Modest | Forgiving | Discreet |
| Emotional | Retiring | Loving | Kind |
| Loyal | Helpful | Supportive | Purposeful |
| Reflective | Outgoing | Consistent | Thorough |
| Trustworthy | Sincere | Assertive | Intellectual |
| Imaginative | Formal | Motivated | Precise |
| Persevering | Natural | Individualistic | Tactful |
| Stable | Robust | Cooperative | Witty |
| Verbal | Healthy | Confident | Dominant |
| Ambitious | Original | Poised | Leisurely |
| Curious | Sharp-witted | Bold | Quick |
| Artistic | Frank | Strong | Thoughtful |
| Courageous | Obliging | Broadminded | Informal |
| Energetic | self-confident | Warm | Practical |
| Mature | Friendly | Cool | strong-minded |
| Relaxed | open-minded | Accurate | Wise |
| Unaffected | self-controlled | Considerate | Academic |
| Humorous | Generous | Aggressive | Adventurous |
| Patient | Opportunistic | Flexible | Adaptable |
| Spontaneous | Sensible | Deliberate | Determined |
| Uninhibited | Gentle | Efficient | Eager |
| fair-minded | good-natured | Logical | light-hearted |
| Methodical | Optimistic | Tolerant | Quiet |
| Reliable | Organized | Wholesome | Unassuming |
| Sensitive | Industrious | Understanding | Serious |
| Polite | far-sighted | Capable | Reserved |
| Meticulous | Conservative | Likable | Calm |
| Businesslike | Active | Unexcitable | Easygoing |
| Affectionate | Firm | Charming | Resourceful |
| Mild | Careful | Tough | Cautious |
| Conscientious | Rational | Attractive |
Now looking at your list think of an example of when you utilized one of those strengths
For example
- “I am persistent and I kept checking in about that job I was interested in, even though they were always slow getting back to me, but I eventually got an interview scheduled’
Now think of an experience where you are proud of how you acted. What strength or strengths did you draw from? Imagine the experience again and ask yourself …
- What happened?
- How did you feel when it happened?
- As you think about this event, notice your body. what are you feeling and where?
- Be aware of any changes in your body, the way you feel emotionally, and/or any changes in your level of stress.
- Did anyone notice or reflect back that strength or accomplishment?
- If so, how did that feel?
Make it a Habit
Take a few moments every day identify one challenge you faced or something that made you proud. Identify what strengths you called upon.
An example of a challenge: sitting in traffic coming back from work: Strength: patience Proud of speaking up about unfair policy at work: Strengths Persistence and Courage Notice how you felt when using your strengths Awareness of your strengths invites them to grow even stronger. The more you connect with your strengths the easier it is to face future obstacles.