Chapter 4
Gratitude
Taking stock of what you have
Gratitude is a feeling of thankfulness or appreciation towards something or someone. It is so easy to get caught up in worrying about what’s not there, what you think you are missing or what could be better, to the point of losing sight of what is. Gratitude is about reflecting on what you have, the things that are working and what you have accomplished.
There is a substantial amount of research suggesting that there is a strong link between gratitude and well-being. Grateful people have been shown to experience more joy, be happier, experience less stress and anxiety, less depression, sleep get more restful sleep http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0022399908004224. and report being more satisfied with their lives and relationships. .{:target=”_blank”}.
Studies have even shown a link between gratitude and health (Hill, PL, Allemand M, Roberts BW) (Nancy Digdon* and Amy Koble) Learning to connect with what you are grateful for, even for just a few minutes, can make a big difference in how you experience life.
When thinking about gratitude, I’ll often think back to when I was 10. I had gotten this notebook/organizer that was very popular that year. I believe it was called the “data center”. It had a binder on one side and a set of file folders on the other and each compartment snapped shut. I was so thrilled that I had managed to sneak it into the shopping cart when and was so excited to start the year with my new prized possession. Some of the other kids had Star Wars stickers on their data centers, and people were talking about how cool they were. It was amazing how quickly I stopped being happy with mine and started to yearn for one with star wars stickers. I traded mine for one with stickers and for a couple days felt that sense of pride again until I heard people talking about how uncool it was to have stickers on your notebook. Now I was yearning to have the plain one again. I couldn’t get anyone to trade, so I attempted to peel the stickers off, but in the process the vinyl cover of the datacenter started to tear and eventually the whole notebook fell apart. I had gotten so focused on what I didn’t have and what I thought I “needed to have” that I couldn’t appreciate what I had and eventually ended up with nothing.
I did soon get over it and now of course, this story makes me laugh as I see the absurdity of it all, but it still holds a valuable lesson that can apply to adults. Gratitude is taking stock of and appreciating what you do have and trying not to compare or define yourself from the outside.
Make it a Habit
Keep a grattitude journal.
Each day think about one thing you are grateful for and note it somewhere. I’ve had some of my clients do their gratitude list over their morning coffee or when they first get to work. Some have even created a prompt for when they log on to their computer at the office. Those who have built this into their morning routine often report a noticeable difference in their workday.
When practicing gratitude, it is important that you note things you are actually grateful for and not things you think you “should” be grateful for and that you don’t turn into a way to beat yourself up. For example thinking, “ I’m a terrible person for being upset that it took so long to get seated in the restaurant when there are people starving in the world.” I refer to this as weaponizing gratitude against yourself.
This exercise helps bring more awareness to the good things that you otherwise might not necessarily note. It doesn’t have to be a new thing every day. Feel free note more than one per day if you think of more than one. The goal of this exercise is to spend a few minutes each day reflecting on the things you have in your life to be grateful for.