Chapter 2

Taking in the Positive

Retraining our brain to capture and retain the positive

One of the most inspiring things I have learned in my line of work is that even during the most stressful periods of our lives, good moments abound. Fully taking them in can be very powerful. It is so easy to get caught up in thinking about, replaying and worrying over the difficult and upsetting parts, at times completely losing sight of the good ones. Research has shown that taking time to notice, savor and recall a positive experience and the emotions that accompany it, can actually help us better cope with stressful events.

A study of people caring for loved ones dying of AIDS found that the people who were able to, even in the midst of this incredibly difficult time in their lives, still notice and appreciate the good moments such as enjoying a chance to get out and go for a walk or an afternoon spent watching a movie together, experienced less depression and showed increased resilience six months to a year after the loss of the loved one.

Recalling a positive event

Taking times to recall a positive experience can give you a momentary break from a stressful day and help you feel replenished enough to keep going.

Think about something that you did, or something that happened to you, that was positive and made you feel good. It can be something that you thought about or an actual event.

• What happened?
• How did you feel when it happened?
• As you think about this event, notice your body. what are you feeling and where?
• Be aware of any changes in your body, the way you feel emotionally, and/or any changes in your level of stress.

Turning up the volume by extending or amplifying the event

Noticing the positive moments is powerful in itself, but, to really maximize the benefit of a positive experience, it is important to amplify or extend it by taking time to savor it, writing it down, spending time re-experiencing it in your mind, or telling someone about it.

Research has found that people who take time to amplify positive events in this way tend to have more positive emotion overall and more adaptive forms of coping with stress. I also think of it as a way to get the most mileage out of your positive experiences.

Think about the event you just came up with.

• Did you do anything in response to the event?
• Tell someone about it?
• Think about it later?
• Stop and savor it?

Now add a greater level of mindfulness to this exercise through Breath Awareness

Breathing affects the way we feel. When someone is upset, they are told to, “take a deep breath and calm down.” Deep, slow and steady breathing can actually slow your heart rate and open your diaphram, helping more oxygen get into the brain so you feel calmer and it helps you more fully experience positive feelings. In this next exercise we are going to add a breath awareness technique to positive event recall.

It can be helpful to think of a relaxing word such as “calm” or “relax” and say it to yourself silently and calmly as you exhale.

• Get yourself seated in a comfortable position and start noticing your breath,
• Breathe in and exhale slowly saying the word you have chosen.
• Continue to repeat that process
• After you finish exhaling, and when your lungs are empty of air, pause for a count of 3 or 4 seconds before inhaling again.
• Practice just doing this for a few moments
• Now see if you can pull up the positive event you identified earlier,
• As you think about this event or experience, notice your body.
• Be aware of any changes in your body, the way you feel emotionally, and/or any changes in your level of stress …
• Don’t worry if your mind starts to wander, just gently try to bring it back.
• … As you continue to think about this positive event or experience, ask yourself:
• Where were you?
• Who else was with you?
• What were you doing at the time?
• Take a few minutes just to enjoy the feelings that come up for you. Take a few deep breaths and allow your body to relax.
• Continue to take long deep breaths.

Increase opportunities for future positive experiences

Deepen this exercise by adding these questions after you are able to fully pull up the positive experience, and let whatever answers come to you, be what they are.

• What can I do to create more opportunities for moments like this?
• What do I have to let go of to make room for more opportunities like this?

Make it a Habit

Keep a record of the good Take a few moments every day (right before bed can be a good time) to think of at least one good moment in your day.

These things can be ordinary and don’t need to be big events.  If you can think of more than one – great!  But try to come up with at least one.

Next to the positive experience, answer the questions:  
 What were you feeling while the event was happening?  How did your body feel during the experience?  What about the event made you feel those feelings? 

Thinking of even one good thing to write about each night is not always easy. Many people have trouble with this exercise at first; it’s a skill that gets easier with practice. Try to be on the lookout throughout the day for good things to write, maybe even take a moment to jot them down in your phone as they happen.  This not only increases the chances that you will both notice and remember positive events, but will make the exercise easier than it would have been had you just waited until the end of the day to start thinking about the good things that have happened to you.

Learn More

Meetu Khosla Positive Affect and Coping with Stress Hanson, R., & Mendius, R. (2009).

Buddha’s brain: The practical neuroscience of happiness, love & wisdom. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.