Creating an Ongoing Practice and Lasting Changes

I have gone over a lot of skills. Some of them you may have really connected with and others may have fallen flat. Hopefully you gave all of them a try and already experienced noticeable benefit. The key is to find the combination that works best for you and to continue to practice them. They are like muscles, if you don’t exercise them, they aren’t likely to work very well. It can be helpful to start with the one or two skills you found most helpful, or the one that is most relevant to what is happening in your life right now.

Here are some tips for creating new habits:

• Commit to Thirty Days - Three to four weeks is all the time you need to make a habit automatic. If you can make it through the initial conditioning phase, it becomes much easier to sustain. A month is a good block of time to commit to a change since it easily fits in your calendar.

• Start Small - It is easy to get overly ambitious and take on too much. Start with just one of the skills at a time. Once one is a habit, you can add another. Big transformations start with small changes.

• Try to do it every day and if possible do it at the same time of day, in the same place, or under the same circumstances. - Consistency is critical if you want to make a habit stick.

• Set up Reminders - Around two weeks into your commitment it can be easy for it to slip. Just as most people get really diligent about flossing for the first couple weeks after a dentist visit, but start to slowly drop off over time. Create reminders with your phone and computer, or even old fashioned post-its. Do whatever will work best for you!

• Make the most of your support network- Enlist a friend – Tell someone about your goals who can help to keep you motivated.

• Give yourself permission to be Imperfect - Don’t expect your attempts to start and maintain a new habit to be easy. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself . Try your best, but expect a few bumps along the way.

• Write it Down – Write your goals down. Writing makes your ideas clear, focuses you on your end result and makes your commitment more real.

• Make sure you record and celebrate your Successes. – Find a way to mark whenever you practice your new skills. Then you can see your success visually over time!

• Do it For Yourself - Choose the skills you enjoy practicing and feel are helpful to you. Don’t worry about the skills that you think you “should” be practicing.

Do your best to rememebr to:

• Know when you are experiencing stress and anxiety
• Recognize what is and isn’t in your control and chose appropriate coping strategies
• Make an effort to be more present and fully experience the positive
• Remember to take stock of what you have
• Take time to fully explore options when making decisions
• Recognize unhelpful thought loops and challenge them
• Change your experience by reframing whenever possible
• Stay connected to your values and your strengths
• Have a vision but celebrate the small accomplishments
• Build a team of healthy supportive people and ask for what you need
• Stay connected by giving back

My decision to quit smoking as I began my work as a therapist meant having to learn to move through life without what had been my primary coping strategy for many years. Smoking had served as an easy distraction, as well as a form of instant social connection. I could always just find the smokers at any social event. Taking cigarette breaks meant I was always sure to take a time out and step away from stressful situations for few minutes. I even used to joke about how smoking was my version of “taking a deep breath” (a deep breath filled with toxic chemicals, but a breath nonetheless) At times giving that up was really challenging and even years later, I still had moments when I really wanted to retreat to the familiar and light up again. Over time, I was able to create new habits and learn different skills. I think back to this time as I see my clients struggle around creating new healthier habits.

I have grown more comfortable in my skin. I no longer need to find that group of smokers when I walk into a new setting, and now I realize walking into a room full of strangers doesn’t need to stress me out. Life, even with its ups and downs generally feels calmer and more peaceful. A few years back, I biked up to one of the highest peaks in San Francisco. When I got to the top, I took a seat on a bench and as I was taking in the view, I became aware that I wasn’t winded and how effortless it was compared to the times I had done that climb back in my 20s. I contin-ued to enjoy the vista and took a few (smoke free) deep breaths and felt a deep sense of gratitude. Change isn’t easy. It’s a journey. Take these skills, practice them, and make them a part of your day-to-day to life and hopefully you will also learn to live with less distress, experience greater joy and fulfill your goals and dreams.