Chapter 12

Maximizing Support

There are many benefits to having a network of people in your life who provide support and feeling connected to a community of people who love and care for you, value you and think well of you. Research shows that social support provides important benefits to both physical and emotional health. People are less likely to report stress-related health problems when they feel like they have support from others.

A social support network can be beneficial in several ways:


• Feeling of security. It’s comforting to know that you have people you can turn to in a time of need-you don’t have to do it all on your own.
• Sense of belonging.  Feeling connected with others helps ward off loneliness. Just knowing you’re not alone can go a long way toward coping with stress.

• Increased sense of self-worth. Knowing that you are an important part of other people’s lives helps you feel better about your self and through connecting with others you have opportunities to see your strengths reflected back to you.

A strong support network is made up of a variety of types of relationships. This can include intimate partners, close friends, family, co-workers, helping professionals. Even more casual acquaintances, such as the person you chat with at the gym or working behind the counter at your local coffee shop, can be a source of support and help by creating a sense of connection.

Recognizing Negative Influences/ Non Support

Just as these relationships are an essential part of our support, it is important to recognize that they can also be the source of much of our stress and sometimes the process of strengthening our support network involves decreasing energy and time going towards the stressful relationships in our lives. At times, it may even involve letting go of some people.

Relationships take away from our support when they

• Take considerably more than they give (emotionally or physically)
• Encourage or support unhealthy behaviors
• Don’t allow for for your successes and attempts at personal growth. This often shows up in the form of criticizing and discouraging comments.

People are complicated and no relationship is perfect. The question I always like to ask myself is, on the whole is this relationship adding more to my life than it takes away?

Types of support

Social support can be broken down into three groups

Emotional Support/Companionship

• People you can talk to about your feelings
• People you can vent your feelings to and are receptive listeners
• People who cheer you up, make you laugh, make you forget your problems
• People who help you stay motivated
• People and groups who give you a sense of connection and belonging

Informational support

People, organizations, resources with relevant information

Tangible support

Actual things, a ride to the airport, borrowing money, a place to stay

Effective support social support depends on the fit between your need and the strengths of the support provider you seek out. A mismatch can even make a stressful situation worse.

For example, I have a friend who isn’t into deep emotional conversations, nor the most reliable person, but within a few minutes of talking on the phone, he has me laughing so hard that whatever was stressing me out suddenly seems less important. If asked him for a ride to the airport, I’d probably miss my flight, but when I am in need of some perspective and feeling a little lighter about life, he is a perfect match.

Mapping it out!

Think about your current support network. Who would you put in your inner circle? The people closest to you. The ones you might even consider to be family.


Who are the people in your friendship circle. The ones that might not be part of you inner circle but are still significant relationships

Who are you acquaintances? People you don’t know well enough to consider friends but are part of your community and helpful in some way, or that you would like to get to know better

Now go back and mark the types of support you receive from each person on the list. Emotional, Informational, Tangible

Take a look at the list and ask yourself the following questions

• What types of support are lacking? What would you like more of?
• Are there people who you have lost touch with?
• How balanced is your support network?
• Are there ways to add to your support system?
• What makes it difficult to do so?
• Which types of support are easier/harder to ask for?

Improving your social support network Adapted from: Wellness Module 3: Social Support (heretohelp)

• Challenge yourself to take social risks
: Look for opportunities to talk to new people. Make an effort to introduce yourself. Most people will welcome the interaction. 

• Get more from the support you have: It’s easy to assume that other people know what you need, but this usually isn’t true. You may need to tell others what you need. Be as specific as possible in your requests. However, be careful not to overwhelm your support providers.

• Take care of your relationships
: Strong friendships need nurturing and it’s easy to get caught up in the day to day of our own lives. Keep in touch with your support network, offer support to others when they need it and let them know that you appreciate them.

• Reach out
: Ask the people you know to help you broaden your networks.
• Be patient
: Making new connections can take time. You may need to meet many new people to make just one new friend. Building intimacy also takes time. It can take time to feel close to someone and feel like you can count on their support.

• Let go of or put limits on unhealthy ties
: Walking away from any relationship is painful—even when the relationship is causing harm—but it may be necessary. For example, if you’re trying to quit drinking and your friends only ever want to spend time in bars and clubs, you may decide to let them go. Use your judgement, though. It may be possible to spend time elsewhere with them, without fully abandoning the friendship.
• Make a plan/ Create new opportunities: 
Figure out what support you need and figure out how you might find it. Think about stepping out of your usually activities.

Make it a Habit

Think about a stressful situation or challenge you are currently facing

• Identify what support would be helpful (Emotional, Informaional, Tangible)
• Who in your life could provide it
• Ask for that support