Chapter 11
Altruism and Acts of Kindness
Practicing acts of kindness and being of service to others provides a great return on investment.
Researchers have consistently found that people report a significant happiness boost after doing kind deeds for others. Some studies suggest giving to others makes people feel happier than spending money on themselves. Scientists have also found that altruistic acts a may trigger the release of endorphins in the brain, creating what is referred to a “helper’s high.”
Doing things for others connects you with the larger world and gets you out of our own head, even if just for a short time. Not only does it give you a break from thinking about your own problems, but helping someone else can even give you insight into your own struggles and challenges.
Connecting to our personal strengths through Altruism
When we are going through a difficult period, struggling in our own life and feeling unable to manage problems, recognizing that we have the ability to help someone else, despite our current stress, gives a feeling of success, which, in turn, can make us feel hopeful. It can help us see the strengths we have lost sight of.
There are many ways to practice altruism, some take more time or commitment than others, but any act of kindness will create good.
Everyday Altruism
Daily acts of kindness
This just involves finding ways to do small things for others throughout the day. It can be taking time to smile and say thank you to the person who just got you your coffee, bringing treats to a store or business you frequent or doing a friend a favor. . You can also try sending out an encouraging text or email to someone every day.
A few years back, a friend mentioned that he often would bring a box of chocolates to give the flight attendants when travelling. I thought it was a really nice gesture and the next time I flew, I decided to try it. I got a great response. The entire crew, even the captain came by and thanked me. The flight attendants kept checking in to see if I needed anything in return and they even sent me off with a bottle of champagne. It was a packed flight and I thought about how my simple gesture had completely changed what might have otherwise been a stressful and tiring experience.
I made it a ritual to grab a box of chocolates before every flight. More often than not there would be some gratitude expressed, sometimes I would get gifts or extra attention and sometimes, my gesture would only be acknowledged with a quick “thanks” or on rare occasions, not acknowledged at all. I decided to take it a little further and make a point to smile to the people around me at the gate and offer to hold things for overwhelmed parents travelling with children. I was struck with was how much this changed my relationship to traveling. I felt more connected to the people around me and began looking forward to the adventure of the flight almost as much as the rest of the trip.
Think of a time when you were the recipient of an act of kindness
- What happened?
- How did you feel?
- What about it made you feel that way?
- Did you do anything in response?
Now think of a time you did something nice for someone else—an altruistic act or an act of kindness.
- What was that act of kindness?
- Was it for someone you knew or for a stranger?
- How did that person respond? How did you feel?
- What about it made you feel that way?
Not only can small acts of kindness create positive emotions, they can also change the way others interact with you. It is important to note that you may not always get a positive response from someone you do something nice for. You may get no response at all or you may even get a negative one. The point is that you are doing something nice for someone else – whether they can appreciate it at the time or not.
Formal Altruism
Volunteering or making a commitment to help someone out
Volunteering is a great way to make altruism a regular practice. There are many opportunities to get involved. It can be a one-time commitment, such as spending a day cleaning up a local park, or an ongoing one. It can be a chance to learn new skills and gain experience or a way to use a skill we already have for a greater purpose. It’s an opportunity to feel more connected to the world around us and possibly meet new friends in the process.
- Volunteers consistently express a sense of achievement and motivation
- By serving as a volunteer you develop relationships with the people you help and see the difference you are making in their lives.
- Volunteering can lead to job opportunities
- A regular volunteer commitment can be especially helpful at times when we have less structure in our lives (unemployment, job transitions or retirement)
It is important to note though, that if giving to others comes at the expense of self care, then it may not be helpful. It is important to assess what is a realistic time commitment when agreeing to volunteer or help out and to try to focus on the altruistic acts that feed your energy and not the ones that drain you.
Altruistic Thoughts
Another way of practicing kindness is through meditation. Through the process of meditation, you can connect with you positive intentions and feelings for another person as well as you positive intentions and feelings for yourself.
Loving Kindness Meditation
This meditation is slightly different from those we have practiced thus far. It is a “friendliness” or compassion practice that involves developing a kinder, gentler attitude toward ourselves and others. It is meant to help us tap into a selfless place. It does not depend on relationships, on how the other person feels about us. The process is first one of softening, breaking down barriers that we feel inwardly toward ourselves, and then those that we feel toward others. Practicing this medita-tion has been found to have a variety of benefits, increasing empathy and compassion, and helped people better connect with positive emotions http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18954193
Make it a Habit
- Small acts of kindness/altruistic behaviors Try doing one nice thing for someone else each day
- It can be a friend, family member, or a stranger.
- It doesn’t have to be big. Even a small act of kindness can make a big difference to another person, and, ultimately, to you.
- If you are having trouble thinking of what to do, just try sending out an encouraging message to someone every day for a week. Remind them of one of their strengths or ex-press gratitude to them.
Record the event and how you felt when you did it.
- Mindfulness Practice Take a few minutes each day to listen to the “loving kindness meditation”